Jack and Newt are Almost Friends and Our Home is Filled With Poison Gas.

It’s been a few weeks now since our little family has expanded to include Jack, the Dog.  Jack is still trying his very best to catch Newt.  Newt is trying his very best to torture Jack.  They go round and round all day long, taking a few naps in between.  Then they start back up again.  It’s like living in a Tom & Jerry cartoon.

Jack has not had any “accidents” in the house in well over a week.  I think we have found a good schedule for him.  Maybe not so much for us, since he requires a 0500 potty break as well as an 0800 break.  But, my husband is an early riser and I think he actually likes having a short walk in the morning before work.  It also gives me time to drink some coffee and develop the ability to speak in full sentences.

Things are going well.  However, there is one issue.  Jack has gas.  I do not mean just an occasional toot, I mean the dog farts like he is a grown man.  All day and night.  Sometimes he passes gas so loud that it wakes him up, and he looks around as if to find the person responsible! Our house smells like it is full of preteen boys! Last week it wasn’t so noticeable as the temps outside were in the 70’s and 80’s so we had all of the windows open.  This week the temps have dropped a bit, and I only open the windows briefly for the daily Frische Luft (Fresh Air.  I think that opening the windows regardless of temperature, or precipitation is mandated by German Law, or at least by German grandparents).  So, without the windows wide open I am worried I may suffocate from the fumes coming from Jack the Dog.  I have resorted to wearing sweaters and my vest indoors to stay warm so that I can leave my windows wide open.

We have mentioned the issue to our Vet, who is a family friend.  She thinks it funny as hell.  She did however, send off a stool sample to see if there is a more serious issue at hand causing the toxic fumes to come out of my dog.  We will get the results in a few days.

In the meantime  we have started Jack on a diet of plain Greek yogurt and his food.(Top of the line dog food.  He eats better than we do.)  We did a few days of just rice and yogurt, it helped a slight bit, but then he just had rice scented farts.  Only slightly improved from the dog food scented gas he is currently blasting.

Jack does not seem bothered in the slightest by his odor.  He is happy, playful and very busy chasing Newt.

Tomorrow I have workmen coming to the apartment to work on the heating system.  My German language skills are dismal, so having workers in the house causes me a little stress on a normal day.  I am not able to speak fluently with them.  Now, I have to add the fact that my house will stink to the sky and I will not be able to explain that it is my dog passing gas, not me!

We live in a small town.  I can only image the gossip that may result from this visit.

“Hey Hans”

“Yes, Jurgen.”

“You know that American woman who doesn’t speak much German?”

“Ja”

“Well, I had to work in their apartment the other day.”

“Ja…”

“She farts like a man!!”

 

Anyone else out there with a stinky dog?  Any advice on how to tame this beast??