Nettles

     Nettles, Germans love them.  They harvest them to make tea, they take nettle leaf supplements and believe that they cure damn near everything.  Every damn time I brush against some Nettles, my German husband assures me that I will not have to worry about developing Rheumatism.  (Too late dear husband, too late.  The arthritis is strong in this one, very strong and no freaking Nettle bush is going to cure it!)

The definition I found on google says this about Nettles.

Nettles:

  1. a herbaceous plant which has jagged leaves covered with stinging hairs.
verb
3rd person present: nettles
1.
irritate or annoy (someone).

 

     I have a better definition.  My definition of Nettles is this: an irritating and annoying

herbaceous plant that is located anywhere that I am trying to walk, or sit down and is

always on the ground where I drop my keys or other important objects, they have jagged

leaves that are covered with the stinging hairs of the devil.  As a matter of fact, the Devil

himself created it and sent it to Earth to annoy the humans, except the Germans, they

love that shit.

     The first time I encounters nettles was on a walk with my husband.  It was a long

walk,

and of course, I had to pee.  Having spend my fair share of time in the outdoors, I am not

above finding a secluded bush to pee on.  So, I wandering off the path is search of said

bush.  Half way there, my legs started to burn, they felt like they were on fire.  The only

thing I could compare it to is being stung by fire ants (like the ones you find in the

Southern States like, NC or Texas).  I looked down, expecting to find myself covered with

fire ants, but instead I found large red welts had started to develop all over my legs, up

to my thighs.  As soon as I started yelling for my husband, I heard the him laughing.

Laughing loudly.

Evil German Husband.  “Didn’t you see all of the nettles that you were walking through?”  Still laughing as he asked his stupid question.

Angry American Wife  “I saw the plants, but how was I to know that they were stinging plants!!?? We don’t have these plants where I grew up in Michigan! Why didn’t you warn me??!!”  I screamed as I was trying to balance myself behind a tree and not pee on my feet while also trying to avoid anymore of the dreaded stinging plants.

Very Evil German Husband  “Don’t worry, now you won’t develop any rheumatism.”

The rest of the conversation just involved me swearing a lot.  Dirk tried to defend his

role in this by saying it was good for my health, which of course just caused more

swearing from me.

Over the past year,  I have managed to stick my hands in the local nettle bushes more

times than I can count.  That shit is everywhere, and I ALWAYS seem to drop whatever I

am holding directly into a giant field of the stuff.

Anyone else have the “pleasure” of encountering the dreaded nettles?  Are you a fan?

Do you drink nettle tea and talk of all their healing properties?  Or are you like me?

Hoping to take a flamethrower to the field and watch em burn?

stinging-nettle-503939_960_720

Picture Source

 

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45 thoughts on “Nettles

  1. Ha! I love this so much. I don’t do nettle anything. And, it’s funny I was just thinking of our version of nettles here in Maryland, which is what the locals call a small kind of jellyfish that stings but not bad like a real jellyfish but is super annoying when all you want to do is swim at the beach. (As you know, growing up near the Great Lakes means that you can swim at the beach; here on the Chesapeake Bay, if it’s past July 1, and the water’s too warm and brackish, you better be ready to get stung.) So, let’s boycott nettles of all kinds. I’m in!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ah yes. Very familiar, getting stung on the legs was bad, but that story had the capacity to be sooooooo much worse.

    You needed a Dockeb Leaf to mitigate the sting, luckily they always seem to grow nearby. I’ve been stung a few times this summer as there is a large patch near my allotment

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Argh!

        One of my worst nettle memories is getting drunk, going for a pee and then falling in a big patch of nettles. I was so inebriated that I forgot everything. The next day, I couldn’t understand why my bottom and legs had this strange burning sensation…until my boyfriend at the time told me what happened. Oops.

        Anyway, i really know your pain!

        Having said that, as kids, we used to love sucking the sweet nectar from those white flowers that you find on nettles.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hehehe no worries!

        Now you mention it, I have not seen many nettles here in Canada either. I didn’t know they were a European thing. If it makes you feel better, I am not sure how to spot poison ivy. I just know that I shouldn’t touch that either…

        Sometimes it is hard to move continents!

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I spent my childhood getting stung but if you rub the sting with dock leaves it eases immediately. These docks always grown near the nettle here for some reason. Now I wonder what the non colloquial name for dock leaf is…😣

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I love nettle – have been using nettle for allergies for years. When we bought our farm I planted a small patch and little by little it is getting bigger. (it is quite possible that I am part German. LOL) Nettle leaf is an antihistamine and if you drink nettle tea or take capsules it will actually stop the stinging, itching and rash that it produces.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. We don’t get nettles here but I am sure if I walked through anywhere I would findsomething that stung but I don’t as there are snakes for sure so I stick to the paths..Child hood memories abound so yes I say to the boycott 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Ha ha that’s funny.. no I don’t do nettles either. So many times as well I have been out walking with my kids and they have got stung by them. I am then frantically trying to find a dock leaf to ease their pain. Admittedly sometimes I have not found a dock leaf and tried to make them believe that another leaf is a dpck leaf and the pain will go away.. bad mummy… ive never tried nettle tea… does not appeal to me at all.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I was reading about your first encounter with Nettles expecting a different story. It reminded me of high school when we were out late one night and a girlfriend had to go to the bathroom. She used poison ivy to wipe her butt. Didn’t see her in school for a week.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I have always left a (very large) patch of nettles in the garden, normally in and around the rotting wood pile so it’s like a creepy crawly wildlife centre. They’re fantastic for it, food and egg laying plant for a lot of butterflies and moths, plus as others have said, a great natural tea as well.
    Strangely, wild peeing excursions seem to be safer for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Ha! I thoroughly enjoyed this post, Cherie! I can’t believe Michigan doesn’t have stinging nettle, or as my family lovingly refers to it, “itch weed”. We have it all over here in MN, and I usually come into contact with it a often during the growing season. It’s in gardens that I work in, on the sides of streams and lakes, and at our local golf course (I’ve been “bitten” quite often when I look for my lost golf ball in large patches of weeds). I feel the same as you regarding the nettle plant, but now I’m interested in researching the plant more closely. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  10. My mom happened to meet some nettles when we were at our house in Devon. She was just as pleased as you are about them. I had some steroid cream I use on my eczema and she used that. It practically cured her instantaneously. You might want to look into some!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Black Cohosh tea or Korean Ginseng are others.
        I started taking Korean Ginseng vitamins and a couple of weeks’ later, my flushes seemed so much better. I don’t want to go off the vitamin to test if it was coincidental in case they come back. 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  11. I hated nettles as a kid because I was always getting stung by them when we went down to the river. As a grownup – I have to admit – I love them, because we make homemade nettle wine. It’s invigorating and very intoxicating!! 😂😂

    Like

  12. Still haven’t activated my Clipboard but shared it other places…I grew up where nettles grew in the pacific northwest, and I know people who made them into a soup…the cooking erases the “sting”, if you were wondering!

    Liked by 1 person

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