Nettles

     Nettles, Germans love them.  They harvest them to make tea, they take nettle leaf supplements and believe that they cure damn near everything.  Every damn time I brush against some Nettles, my German husband assures me that I will not have to worry about developing Rheumatism.  (Too late dear husband, too late.  The arthritis is strong in this one, very strong and no freaking Nettle bush is going to cure it!)

    The definition I found on google says this about Nettles.

Nettles:

1. a herbaceous plant which has jagged leaves covered with stinging hairs.

   • used in names of other plants with leaves of a similar appearance to those of the nettle, e.g. dead-nettle.

verb

3rd person present: nettles

1.

irritate or annoy (someone).

 

     I have a better definition.  My definition of Nettles is this: an irritating and annoying

herbaceous plant that is located anywhere that I am trying to walk, or sit down and is

always on the ground where I drop my keys or other important objects, they have jagged

leaves that are covered with the stinging hairs of the devil.  As a matter of fact, the Devil

himself created it and sent it to Earth to annoy the humans, except the Germans, they

love that shit.

     The first time I encounters nettles was on a walk with my husband.  It was a long walk

and of course, I had to pee.  Having spend my fair share of time in the outdoors, I am not

above finding a secluded bush to pee on.  So, I wandering off the path is search of said

bush.  Half way there, my legs started to burn, they felt like they were on fire.  The only

thing I could compare it to is being stung by fire ants (like the ones you find in the

Southern States like, NC or Texas).  I looked down, expecting to find myself covered with

fire ants, but instead I found large red welts had started to develop all over my legs, up

to my thighs.  As soon as I started yelling for my husband, I heard the him laughing.

Laughing loudly.

Evil German Husband.  “Didn’t you see all of the nettles that you were walking

through?”  Still laughing as he asked his stupid question.

Angry American Wife  “I saw the plants, but how was I to know that they were stinging

plants!!?? We don’t have these plants where I grew up in Michigan! Why didn’t you warn

me??!!”  I screamed as I was trying to balance myself behind a tree and not pee on my

feet while also trying to avoid anymore of the dreaded stinging plants.

Very Evil German Husband  “Don’t worry, now you won’t develop any rheumatism.”

The rest of the conversation just involved me swearing a lot.  Dirk tried to defend his

role in this by saying it was good for my health, which of course just caused more

swearing from me.

Over the past year,  I have managed to stick my hands in the local nettle bushes more

times than I can count.  That shit is everywhere, and I ALWAYS seem to drop whatever I

am holding directly into a giant field of the stuff.

 

Anyone else have the “pleasure” of encountering the dreaded nettles?  Are you a fan?

Do you drink nettle tea and talk of all their healing properties?  Or are you like me?

Hoping to take a flamethrower to the field and watch em burn?

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